“Mommy loves you…yes she does…yes she does.”

So my mom and I don’t normally text unless it’s something me and my sister need to know financially (aka “The electricity bill is high, please turn it down” or “try to shop on sale, medical bills ran up our credit card”)

But today I got a random message from my mom saying “Just a note to say your mommy loves you…yes she does…yes she does.” and my first reaction was “Are you high, lady? What’s up”. Yet it’s starting to dawn on me that I live…alone?

Yes, this is kind of belated, because my mother technically has not lived here during the week since February. But it’s really starting to kick in. Up until this summer, my mom would come home on the weekends, or Sunday morning, so it never really felt like she was gone. Just  always stopping in. My being alone with my sister just felt like a really long weekend away from Mom, like as if she went away for a few days.

I’m still in a weird middle state, because my mom does pay for our things. Her job situation forced her to move out prematurely, leaving me an unemployed college kid, and my sister who just recently graduated high school. No part-time minimum wage job would support the two of us without dropping out of school. So I’m in a stage of arrested development. I cook and clean and shop for the house like an adult, but I’m still tied to my mom’s wallet.

I know she misses us. She sometimes cries when she comes home because she feels guilty she left. This past family vacation was tense because I think she felt we were too distant from her. But honestly, this was bound to happen. Maybe not now…maybe in 5 or 6 years. Sooner or later your kids don’t live with you and the communication levels drop.

I do miss my mom. I don’t miss the nagging, but I miss  the comfort. It’s hard coming home and knowing this is what I have to do. I have to be mom and sister, not financially, but morally. It’s difficult to say no to “Let’s buy a ton of gushers and fruit roll up” because fuck yeah I want that, but no, remember, the bills are high.

And yes. I know people have it worse. I’m very fortunate. But it still means something that I get this message from my mom and I’m now looking at it and crying. I’m just now starting to acknowledge the luxury of knowing someone was home waiting for you. Knowing if your day was bad, they would heat up dinner and let you cry. I don’t get that luxury anymore.

For now, I have this text message, and a list of groceries for my sister’s dinner tonight.

Feminist Breakdown: Bridesmaids, pt. 1 (Annie, Helen, Lillian)

Yes, I know that since it’s premiere in 2011 it’s been cross analyzed to death.

However, Bridesmaids still continues to be a film brought up when discussing all female casts, feminism in film, and it’s place in mainstream Hollywood. Here (Pt.1), we’ll break down some of the main cast and determine whether or not their characters brought genuine issues to the table of comedy.

Upcoming: Part 2: Rita, Becca, Megan + Part 3: Bridesmaids and Feminism

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